Garden of Eden creation kit
by Yuhi-san
Summary: If you have to spend the rest of your live in a memory, you might just as well make it a good one. Epsilon gets a little carried away in his own world but Tucker is still Tucker and reminds him they are not in paradise but in a fucked up war. Oh, and that he is obsessed with stalking Tex. Caboose saves the day by making something explode.


**Authors Note: **So basically I wanted to do a RvB Challenge and asked a friend to give me 20 titles for stories (I think I was being megalomaniacal). But I have trouble finishing stuff and I'm really horrible with really short stuff. Point is, I decided to screw this challenge and poste the stories separately. The ones I actually did finish.

So "Garden of Eden creation kit" was the first title she gave me. And what the fuck? I had no clue what to do with _that_ but she insisted it was a great title.

* * *

**Inside the Memory Unit**

So, Epsilon was here in this unit since… well, no idea how long. Time didn't have much a meaning or it didn't really matter. Days came and went. It was always a little the same like it was back in the canyon. It was actually kind of cool. Well, considering he was trapped inside this capture unit and everything here basically was his imagination.

Epsilon considers himself as Church now and was living similar to him. Okay, so it wasn't perfect and some things needed to be fixed. Like Donut being an asshole and not just talking about these or Grif actually doing something. Out of _his own free will_ for fuck's sake.

But no worries, he could fix it. He was not just Church here, he also was fucking god. So yeah, he was always pleased to hear someone say 'oh god' or 'for gods sake' or something. He always had to hold back a grin and a smug comment. And yeah, he also knew he shouldn't overdo it with playing god and all and trying to make everything perfect and stuff.

Anyone ever saw that old movie with the guy that went into dreams? Fuck them up too much and the people know they were in a dream. Would be kinda shitty if they would know, right? Or the other movie where this guy was messing up when being god for a day because he did what he felt like doing instead of being serious? So yeah, he knew he should keep low profile and stuff but fuck it, it was fun. And pretty much all he had here, so bear with him.

Besides, it was all for a good cause. Everything he ever did was for Tex. He wanted to get her out, to save her, have her with him, get her right.

The whole thing still wasn't so easy. Earthquakes, people out of order, Caboose being Caboose and calling backup and Tucker trying to show them how to deal with girls because he didn't understand the fucking problem. So Epsilon made probably the dumbest mistake in his whole live: trying to explain everything to Tucker and Caboose.

So yeah, here he was, on top of blue base, Caboose looking up to search for some birds because he decided it was too complicated and Tucker staring back at him like he turned out dumber than Caboose.

"So we are trapped inside that memory thingy that is laying somewhere in the snow and is dying. And causing the earthquakes", the teal soldier said, slowly.

"No, me and Tex are trapped in here. You, Caboose and everything else are my memory."

"So you are telling me I'm a fucking figment, dude?"

There was a pause. Then Church shrugged. "You could say that. Though I gotta admit you are way too close to the original than I actually like." Another pause and Church eyed Tucker. Was an I-get-what-you-talk-about-but-find-it-super-fucked-up-Tucker better than a I-don't-get-what-the-fuck-you-are-talking-about-Tucker? He wasn't really sure anymore. Hey, wouldn't this be a good time for the Reds to, dunno? Suddenly show up and shoot around? Tucker unfold his arms and attempted to rub his hands over his face. But he stopped mid-move as he realized he couldn't because of the helmet. One should think you get used to it after all the time. So Tucker crosses his arms again and shifts the wright from one leg to the other.

"Man, you are so full of shit, asshole", the teal soldier stated then. He sounded average pissed and maybe a hint annoyed. At least to every one else. But Epsilon was Church and Church knew Tucker since a long time. He knew Tucker very well. Tucker was pissed and he was pissed in a more serious than annoyed manner.

With a mental growl Church put his sniper rifle on his back and mirrored Tuckers stance. Church knew him. That did not mean he avoided conflict with him because they are something you might consider odd friends. Two different things, don't mix them up. Epsilon titled his head back. He knew it was arrogant but hey, he didn't have to stay down when Tucker was being an asshole. Tucker titled his head and even under the visor he could see him frown. He was not even pretending to be impressed, that fucker. But Church reminded himself that he had something more important to do. If the unit was dying he needed to find Wash and with that the memory unit in his own memory so to buy time and find out what to do there. Ah, fuck, he didn't have time for that.

"You know what? Screw this shit. I don't have time for this." Epsilon unfolded his arms again and turned around, walking off. He needed a way to help Tex and apparently, Tucker wasn't going to help him even after this whole explanation. He heard the loud stomping of heavy boots as Tucker went after him. "Asshole! You can't just come up with all the shit and then chicken out. What the fuck is wrong with you!?"

Epsilon turned around slowly, giving Tucker a really pissed off glare he couldn't fucking see under the helmet. "Yeah, what's wrong with me? Wonder that myself. Guess shouldn't have told you anything. Dunno why the heck I thought this was a good idea. Hell, I don't even know why I made you in this world. Probably only cause you are a fucking hardwired memory or something." Well yeah, okay, he knew that was low. But he was pissed off. Why couldn't Tucker see he just tried to help Tex? If he would actually listen and help Church once in a while he wouldn't be in this shit yet.

Tucker stopped in his tracks and just stood there for a few seconds. And it's almost enough for Epsilon to consider getting a bad conscience. But then the teal soldier blew the very idea out of his head by giving him the finger.

"Dude, you got a problem with your head. You tell me that I'm just a fucking illusion that is supposed to help you fix your fucked up relationship with your ex-girlfriend that is actually supposed to be dead. And does not want to see you."

Epsilon clenched his fists, narrowing his eyes dangerously at Tucker. But he still couldn't see it. For fucks sake, he started to hate this helmets. "It's not that she does not want to see me", he spat. Tucker didn't get it.

"Oh no? Then why she's not here, huh?" he questions bitterly as he crosses his arms again. He titles his head and despite the visors hiding his face Church could particularly feel how Tucker looks at him mockingly. "I get her, you know. Stalking is fucking creepy."

Church felt the blood boil inside him. Yeah, great Tucker choose the perfect time to be a fucking jerk. Actually Church was surprised that destiny didn't make another earthquake yet to make things a bit more dramatic. "I'm not stalking her!" he snapped and then grid his teeth as he heard that his voice was somewhat too high pitched. "I want to help her, Tucker. But that is something you just don't get. You talk all the time about your fucking and hot girls but you don't get what it means to care, do you?" Epsilon knew Tucker wanted to defend him but he continued. He's angry. He's also a little hurt but he's only going for the fucking angry thing. It's easier.

"It's complicated. And I really need a way to fix this. I'm serious about that. And if you don't want to help me; go fuck yourself. "

Church would never say it, or hell, even admit it to himself. But he's glad to have Tucker here, normally. Even Caboose he's glade to have. Being completely alone with his own mind for a long time isn't healthy. You see that on Washington. But right now Church thought about a particular painful way to kill Tucker.

"You got a real problem, you know?" Tucker said then. And he's still pissed off. But he was not snapping at Epsilon. He just kind of stared at him through the visor. He seemed serious. And maybe there was even a hint of worry in his voice. But Church might just as well make this up. "You say she died. More than once. You think it's a good thing to bring her back all the time? That doesn't end well, dude. Never saw horror movies? Ghosts? Haunting people? Zombies?"

Yeah, whenever Church thought Tucker was serious or listening he messed it up. Asshole. Church grind his teeth. Hey, how about doing some target practice? He's sure he could shot Tuckers head off. He created the world here so he could do whatever he wants, right? Epsilon reached for his sniper rifle.

"Do you know how fucked up our world would be if everyone was being so obsessed and nuts to bring death people back all the time? Death means over, end, done. You can't bring them back because, fuck, that is sick. "

Church took the rifle down, aimed it at Tucker but the guy was unfazed (He would never admit it but they both know that Church won't hit him even if he's only a few feet away). "Shut up, Tucker", he said coldly. But Tucker got a fucking problem with listening to orders.

"Even if you are right about the whole Memory Unit thingy... dude, look around! We're in this shitty canyon, people act out of order, your chick won't come to you from herself, the whole world falls to pieces and you obvious can't even keep your imagined friends – I'm talking about me, you know – form ranting at you." Tucker gestured with his hands wildly and slowly, Churchs finger moved to the trigger.

"Tucker", he said, warning clear in his voice. What the hell is that guy's problem?

Tucker stomped over and it's kind of crazy as he just moved the barrel of Churchs rifle out of the way. He cursed himself for not using the chance and at least shoot the guy in the shoulder or something. Tucker pocked his finger against Churchs chest plate.

"And I tell you why it is like that. There is no fucking paradise, garden Eden or whatever. Life is a bitch. Get use to it, you can't make a perfect world because that's just impossible, even with the memory Unit and your imagination and all. Better come to terms with the reality."

Church really, really was ready to hit him with the butt of his rifle. He raiseed it but just the moment he wanted to hit Tucker, something explodes.

"What the fuck now again!?" he shouted in his frustration. The sound came from their base and Church was pretty damn sure it wasn't the Reds throwing grenades at them.

"Ugh, I guess we forgot Caboose…"

"Oh, really, you think!?"

There was another, smaller bang and smoke coming from blue base. Then Cabooses voice. "It wasn't me! It was the earthquake!"

"There was no fucking earthquake, Caboose!" It's kind of odd in this moment to yell the same thing as Tucker. But then again, all seriousness seemed to be gone once again, just like that.

"Ah, fuck that. Church, we better check that out before he destroys the whole base", Tucker grumbled and then just walked off towards blue base. Epsilon stayed behind a few moments and just watched Tuckers form getting smaller. Church, huh? No Asshole this time or anything? With a heavy sigh Epsilon went after Tucker to keep Caboose from destroying more than he already did.

So yeah… Maybe he couldn't create paradise in here. Maybe Tucker was right. But fuck it, it won't keep him from trying.

* * *

**Authors Note: **Okay, it turned out way more serious than I intended. And don't get me wrong, people. I really like Church, he's great. And he really, really loves Tex. But I also like Tucker and I guess he's really feed up with Churchs fixation on her sometimes.


End file.
